The Pain of Doubt

Doubting Thomas's probing of Jesus symbolizes the pain of a loss of faith in God, but also Jesus's willingness to bear that pain to bring us back to God.

By Mark McDermott

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Faith even of the Apostles, could be strained at times The hapless Doubting Thomas may be more memorable in the common imagination for his questioning of the Resurrection in the Gospel of John than for the remainder of his life, ultimately ending in martyrdom in the distant land of India.

As he converts St. Thomas's reticence into conviction, Jesus says, “ ‘Blessed are they who have not seen and have believed.’ ” This line may seem like a convenient deflection: with an aggressive paraphrasing, this could be taken to mean, “You may not be able to be an eyewitness like the disciples, so your belief is all the more righteous.” From a cynical perspective, this may appear as a rhetorical device to ameliorate the difficulty of maintaining faith without experience by offering an additional reward.

It couldn't have been easy for Jesus to endure the Apostle's reopening of his sensitive wounds, but he was willing to do so if it helped them to follow him in faith.

This interpretation, however, projects a human sense of reward and punishment onto Jesus’ use of the word “blessed.” Our relationship with God is not like one of a pet to its owner, where a pet is rewarded in exchange for obedience. Rather, God the Father invites us, his children, to find our true purpose through him.

Thus, the “blessing” Jesus refers to takes on a different context. Consider this question: is it not painful to both parent and child when the filial relationship is clouded by mistrust? Jesus’ statement that  “ ‘Blessed are they who have not seen,’ ” is reflective of the fact that we may only come to “see” God’s presence in our lives when we turn to Him in times of hardship. Contrast is revealing, and our minds, shaped by our circumstances, are best able to assess the world in relative terms. Thus, Jesus acknowledges our doubt, knowing that those challenges to faith can bring us closer to God. Most importantly, Jesus shows that he is willing to suffer, not only on the cross but with our lingering doubts to follow, as long as it ends with us drawing closer to Him.

But what does being “closer to Jesus” entail? In Jesus’ appearance to the Apostles on the Sea of Galilee in John’s Gospel, Peter leaps into the water to swim to Jesus as soon as possible. It is one thing to doubt, as Thomas did. Jesus will present himself to us, though – whether we are hiding in the locked room, or tired after a night spent working (fishing, as the apostles were). We, however, must take action to restore our faith. Indeed, faith is a choice, by definition an active state, not something that can be imposed. Thomas still must reach out to touch Jesus, and Peter must make the leap into the water, regardless of how cold the water or air may have been at that time in the morning.

The disciples once ask Jesus, “Increase our faith,” and Jesus responds with the parable of the mustard seed. God may plant the seed of faith in each of us, and as the sower will endure the hardship of tending to the vines. But as Thomas and Peter show, allowing faith to transform us is our choice. The message of the Resurrection is both a reassurance and a challenge – or a call to action. We can take comfort in knowing that Jesus will always find a way to show himself to us, even when we may be hard of heart; but even then, we still have the freewill to reject or, as Jesus asks Peter, to love him and follow him.